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a difficult decision

June 22, 2009

I’ve come to the difficult realization that being responsible for a studio space outside the house doesn’t work for me.

In trying to settle on a summer class schedule (juggling child care, family activities and vacations), it’s clear that I prize freedom and flexibility in my own life too much to give myself over to a teaching studio.

There is also the matter of finances. I never intended for the studio to be a money-making venture, but the expenses are higher than pleases me, and I’d really like to invest more in attending writing workshops and classes. I can’t do both.

In addition, I haven’t done any of my own artwork since opening the studio. I’ve learned a lot about what feels right (and what feels wrong), and the studio seems more like a fishbowl than a retreat-space. I haven’t been able to work there, not with visual art, not with writing. Even though I’ve composed lots and lots of poems in the time when I’ve been leasing the studio, almost none of them have been written there.

It’s been quite an emotionally and physically draining year, and letting the studio go feels like a huge, public failure. But what would feel worse is if art became one more thing that drains me. I have enjoyed the students, and I am happy to have explored the possibilities. Now, it’s time for something else.

Perhaps I’ll be a guest teacher here and there. Perhaps.

Thank you for all of your encouragement. I’m sure it’s not the last crazy idea I’ll ask you to support.

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3 Comments
  1. June 22, 2009 5:37 pm

    I understand. And I still think you are a remarkable & talented woman.

  2. Michelle permalink
    June 23, 2009 2:22 pm

    There is something so very right about prizing freedom and flexibility in your own life, Carolee.

  3. June 25, 2009 3:24 pm

    What’s right for us at one point is not right at another. It takes courage to move ahead with what feels like the next right step. I’m doing the same thing with teaching yoga. I will always practice, but if I’m going back to school, i can’t spread myself too thin. It’s always hard to change, but I say raise your peaceful warrior spear and go for it!

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