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it’s october

October 1, 2009

And I’m back.

I wasted a lot of my time away from blogging. My house is not clean. My life is not organized. I have not unlocked the secrets of the human genome (although I think I’m close).

I did use some of the time to entertain a bunch of rejections from journals and from a program I really wanted to get into.

And I used some of the time to get my eating and exercise habits back in line. In theory, that’s time well-invested in my own sanity. In theory.

I also took some time to think about why I blog and why I write poetry. This is as far as I got: both have something to do with connecting.

The theory is no more developed than that.

I thought intensely about how I contribute to communities and to what end. Is my participation altruistic or is there something in it for me? Since I don’t really have an altruistic bone in my body, I knew which answer to investigate right away. It went something like this: Is my networking helping me? Is my networking active or passive? Is it for fun or is there also a serious quality to it? Do the writers I know challenge me? What are my aspirations? Who am I inside these circles and who am I outside them?

Who am I?

Most people who read this blog are quick studies. You’ve probably already noticed I have more questions than when I started. However, I do know this: I need to keep asking. Instead of doing things out of habit, I need to set goals and be accountable to them.

Sometime soon.

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10 Comments
  1. clbro permalink
    October 1, 2009 1:14 am

    “Who am I?” is a question we all ask, whether we admit or not! Sometimes, there isn’t an answer, and even that can be an okay. Since I’ve changed careers at least twice (three times if I admit being a mother was one!) I know well that tension that emerges when I’m in a spot where I’m not quite sure how to answer that simple three word query.

    It is always good to be reminded I’m not the only one dealing with the issue! Nice piece!

  2. October 1, 2009 1:33 pm

    I love how you “entertain a bunch of rejections from …” and your questions, too. Not *quite* so funny, but … yes, it’s best to ask a lot of questions, and let the questions answer questions … even if we do end up (eventually) setting (and changing) goals. Over and over. (Wait. That’s me.)

  3. October 1, 2009 1:53 pm

    glad to see you back! i hope i challenge you as a writer. if not, i’ll try harder. and yes, i love tht you entertained rejections. always the lady.

  4. October 1, 2009 1:57 pm

    me? a lady? unlikely. 🙂

  5. October 1, 2009 2:53 pm

    Beg to differ. Though you do redefine the term. You tend to do that with terms 🙂

    Altruistic or not, I’m hard put to think of anyone who’s given me more valuable feedback and help, as a poet.

    Welcome back! It’s nice to see you. (Out from amongst the dust bunnies, I mean.)

  6. October 1, 2009 3:02 pm

    busted! i do read other people’s poetry and give feedback to be helpful. (but i do get much joy out of it, and i do learn from it, so technically it’s selfish.)

  7. October 2, 2009 10:00 am

    Welcome back.

    What you call “connecting” I call “the conversation”–because for me, it’s not only about connecting to the living, but somehow engaging with all those who have gone before us in this unusual pursuit.

    I saw “Bright Star” last weekend, and highly recommend it. I thought to myself, here is someone with whom I would like to share poems. He’ll never read mine, but I get to read his.

    Speaking of those who have gone on, I see you are fond of Sandford Lyne’s book on writing poetry. Loch Raven Review recently published an online retrospective of Sandy’s work:

    http://www.lochravenreview.net/retrospectives/SandyLyne/index.html

    worth reading. But then I’m biased. He was a wonderful man.

  8. October 2, 2009 2:35 pm

    robert — that retrospective looks amazing!!! thank you so much for telling me about it.

    (and i am looking forward to finding time to go see “bright star” also. i’m glad you liked it!)

  9. October 3, 2009 11:00 am

    I’ve been missing the blogging. The blogs represent a little world that opens up when I lift the lid to my laptop. It’s fun to read about your thoughts and your life, Carolee.

  10. October 6, 2009 1:34 pm

    Something to do with connecting, as you said. Yes, yes, and that was precisely the thing that surprised me about blogging. And brings some satisfaction, sense of purpose realized.

    And pardon Carolee, hello, I’m so new to this venue, not even 4 months old in blogging years! Overwhelming too at first, even just meeting new folks, including you. One spoon at a time. As well patience, yes, is put to new test! But then life is like life no matter where you go.

    And it is only the ignorant who ask no questions. You ask good questions.

    And how to contribute? That’s a good one too. I think, I pray, that it is more than only the words, the phrases, and who cares in the end?, but the connection that also begins. Begins and grows inside. No matter how much you read of me, or I you, who will we really know? But there is something… that connection I think, and even if one step of experience away, still some meaning that we each carry, one of the other. Meaning there – I think I hope I pray.

    And I talk too much I know. (But you aughta hear what I didn’t say!) Good post you did.

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