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napowrimo #8

April 8, 2010

When I posted my 7th poem for NaPoWriMo yesterday, I hoped I’d have a chance to write a second one because I really liked both prompts that were presented (and I wasn’t able to combine them). I didn’t end up with as much time as I’d wanted yesterday, so I’m going to use yesterday’s Poetic Asides prompt, “Write a poem with the title ‘Until _______’,” to write a poem today. So shoot me.

..DRAFT /

REMOVED BY THE AUTHOR FOR REVISION.

///

Tally: 8 = 3.5 RWP + 3.5 PAD + 1 Book of Kells.

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18 Comments
  1. April 8, 2010 11:28 am

    Wow. This has enough juice for ten poems.

    • April 8, 2010 11:33 am

      do you think so? i can’t quite like it. 🙂 i hate how it ends. pre-dict-a-ble. 😦

  2. April 8, 2010 11:29 am

    This is really powerful, Carolee. Lots of great lines and lots of emotion.

  3. April 8, 2010 11:35 am

    thanks, derrick. i hope there are lines i can use later on. and i will try to keep the emotion in tact. i have been known to edit it right out. oh, the poetry drama! 🙂

  4. April 8, 2010 11:50 am

    The first line of this poem is fantastic, and it pulled me immediately into the rest of the poem. I like it.

    • April 8, 2010 7:00 pm

      thanks, L. initially, the stanzas were mixed up a bit. i flip flopped them at the last minute.

  5. April 8, 2010 12:09 pm

    So much going on here… Nice work!

  6. April 8, 2010 4:21 pm

    Hi Carolee:

    I love the ending. I don’t agree that it’s predictable, but even if it is — we usually know how the great love stories and tragedies will end, but that doesn’t make them less powerful. This is strong writing.

    I’m also a big fan of your word choices, here and elsewhere. Your poems are very satisfying to read aloud. (Although I did nearly run out of breath on the “I have been hiding…” line in the second stanza. Next time I’ll be ready!)

    All the best,

    Jason

    • April 8, 2010 7:04 pm

      hi, jason! it’s cool to have an IRL poet scene friend on the blog. 🙂

      i’m glad you like the word choices, and you are right about us knowing how lots of the great stories end. true. i hadn’t thought of that. this isn’t one of those great stories, though, and on revision, i’d like to put a twist in the ending. maybe. some of them, i never get around to revising!

  7. April 8, 2010 5:15 pm

    I love the river talking best. What a wonderful lover it is. (Just my emotional response to the poem.)

    Hi.

    Not reading your next poem until later. 🙂

    • April 8, 2010 7:06 pm

      i love rivers. everything about them. i don’t think i really write about them though. probably there’s not much that hasn’t been said about them? anyway, i still love them.

  8. joannejohns permalink
    April 8, 2010 6:07 pm

    Your river is such a strong character… I’d happily be lost in him.

    • April 8, 2010 7:08 pm

      wouldn’t that be nice, if real life could be happily lost in a river?

  9. April 8, 2010 6:30 pm

    Carolee,
    This so beautiful! I love it!
    Pamela

  10. April 8, 2010 7:09 pm

    hi, pamela! thank you!

  11. April 9, 2010 5:34 am

    Very ripe! I see what you mean Carolee, but more than ripe enough to eat. Save some seeds!

  12. April 9, 2010 11:21 am

    Wow, I don’t see the ending as an ending at all. Feels like it’s beckoning more. I’m also a sucker for ampersands…

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