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napowrimo #11

April 11, 2010

It’s NaPoWriMo Day 11, and we’re past the first third of the challenge! The Poetic Asides prompt for today is write a poem with the title: The Last _______. (It’s got the RWP prompt suggestions in it, too: something you didn’t choose — jumping — and write a letter.)

..DRAFT /

REMOVED BY THE AUTHOR FOR REVISION.

///

Tally: 13* = 6.5 RWP + 5.5 PAD + 1 Book of Kells.

*Target is now 32.

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14 Comments
  1. April 11, 2010 3:46 pm

    Carolee,
    I love the second stanza! Beautiful!
    Pamela

  2. April 11, 2010 4:26 pm

    Me too, the second stanza “rocks”. Really good!

  3. April 11, 2010 5:35 pm

    I dunno if leaving a stone is, um, inappropriate enough, but here:

    (o)

  4. April 11, 2010 5:57 pm

    Love it, Carolee. Especially the superb final lines: “Air will no longer come / between us. My body will remember / it gills.” In my humble opinion, they are so strong they make the previous line redundant. You’re certainly in your flow… =)

    • April 11, 2010 6:24 pm

      i agree, greg, about not needing the first line of that last stanza. i was thinking about zapping it right away. it’s holding a place for something, though. not sure what. maybe i’ll find out when i revise.

  5. April 11, 2010 5:58 pm

    wooops: its gills =)

  6. April 11, 2010 6:46 pm

    This is spectacular! Love the tone, and a clever way of merging the prompts into one poem, as well… reminds me of Bjork’s “Anchor Song” and “Hyper-Ballad” a little bit.

  7. April 11, 2010 7:32 pm

    Phew, I love the optimism of the last line!

  8. April 11, 2010 10:00 pm

    no kidden…i love it to…..love your words also thanks for sharing

  9. April 12, 2010 1:38 pm

    I love the last stanza, too. It’s gorgeous, in language and thought. Keep this lover, k?

  10. April 12, 2010 6:07 pm

    Stunning in many aspects. Seeing, hearing, and feeling the wings contrasts with stones and submerging. Love certainly goes both ways.

    • April 12, 2010 6:09 pm

      Um, my brain combined both #11 and #12. I’m not sure why. They do seem an excellent pair. Both stand excellent on their own. Something in my mind wants to keep them together.

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