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napowrimo #19

April 19, 2010

NaPoWriMo Day 19 seems like a biggish deal. It’s definitely on the downward slope of the hill.

I really like the Poetic Asides prompt for today, which is so straightforward I don’t know why I don’t write more of them. The prompt is “write a poem about somebody” (and use the name as the title). I hope I’m not breaking the rules by choosing a fictional person, but this is who came to mind. I did a free write this morning waiting at the doctor’s office. Here’s the poem I tried to pull out of it.

I may have gone too far with the metaphors. Sometimes I do that. A task upon revision would be to pull it back where it needs it. There are a number of places I could end it earlier than I have, as well. It never quite came to the conclusion I wanted so I kept it going. If I had more time, I probably would have written even more to see if I could find the “just right” place.

..DRAFT /

REMOVED BY THE AUTHOR FOR REVISION.

///

Tally: 21 = 7.0 RWP + 12.0 PAD + 2.0 Book of Kells. (Target is now 32.)

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8 Comments
  1. April 19, 2010 2:47 pm

    I enjoyed the poetic asides prompt, too, only it wouldn’t let me post my Emily Dickinson poem there! So frustrating!

    And as for you, my pretty….

    I feel as if Dorothy and I are kindreds in this one (oh, these delectable words!)

    >>> Love this big
    sends others underground. But you
    don’t know enough to brace yourself.>>>

    • April 19, 2010 2:53 pm

      i’m with you, dorothy, i mean julie.

      i want it to knock me over.

      and my little dog, too.

  2. April 19, 2010 2:56 pm

    Good prompt. Good response. Fiction is fair I think. Many delicious lines in your tornado here.
    “When a wicked witch scrawls your name/across the sky in black smoke,/you know you’ve touched a nerve.”
    “Getting rid of the wife was an accident.”
    “Rule #1 is stay away from the windows./If you can see them, they can see you.”
    “Even your old lovers/row by in a boat,”
    Dorothy never had it so good! Naughty girl.

    • April 19, 2010 2:59 pm

      thanks, neil. you are a very generous reader!

  3. April 19, 2010 2:58 pm

    this may be one of my favorite carolee poems of all time!

    • April 19, 2010 3:01 pm

      really? yay!

      it was hard — but fun — to write with a conservative voice, looking down upon dorothy and her antics as i’ve re-imagined them here. it’s a different stance for my narrator to take.

  4. April 20, 2010 1:04 am

    i love this poem. love the way you re-envision the heroine. “Busy bodies rocking in chairs / knit rumors as they pass.” great lines!

  5. April 20, 2010 6:33 am

    I enjoyed this a lot. Particularly those opening lines and the one concretegodmother has picked out too!

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