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napowrimo #24

April 24, 2010

It’s the final week of NaPoWriMo! Day 24! And you know what has happened? I’m kind of tired of my voice. 🙂 When that happens (yes, it’s happened before), I play with syntax. Change some words around and see what it gives me. Here’s a draft for both the Poetic Asides prompt (Write an evening poem) and the Read Write Poem prompt (write an idiom/cliché poem — my saying is “damned if you do, damned if you don’t).

..DRAFT /

REMOVED BY THE AUTHOR FOR REVISION.

///

Tally: 27.0 = 9.5 RWP + 14.5 PAD + 3.0 Book of Kells. (Target is now 33.)

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16 Comments
  1. April 24, 2010 10:20 am

    This is brilliant:
    No amount of food will unbare
    the cupboard. Groan bellies. Groan
    hearts. Grown dandelions, remember?
    Mama had a baby and off popped her head.

  2. April 24, 2010 11:12 am

    Got my head spinning, got me thinking. I understand this and yet I don’t. Provocative writing!!!

    • April 24, 2010 5:28 pm

      thanks, j.d.

      i think the slight confusion works with the content.

  3. April 24, 2010 1:20 pm

    Provocative indeed Carolee!
    Pamela

    • April 24, 2010 5:29 pm

      i love that word: provocative. 🙂 thank you!

  4. April 24, 2010 2:01 pm

    Oh. My. Gosh. Amazing this. I love it.

  5. April 24, 2010 2:24 pm

    I love the syntax… it’s like exploring a jungle, cutting through subordinate clauses with a machete until they fall out of place and make sense; then I can stand back and re-appreciate their beauty. Fascinating and clever take on the prompt(s)!

    • April 24, 2010 5:30 pm

      they should sell machetes at the poetry supply annex.

  6. April 24, 2010 4:47 pm

    Mixing up the syntax does amazing things to this. I love it!

    • April 24, 2010 5:30 pm

      i think i wouldn’t have been able to write this one head-on.

  7. April 24, 2010 6:27 pm

    Oh wow, Carolee, this is fanTASTic, and that it all leads to:

    …..Groan bellies. Groan
    hearts. Grown dandelions, remember?
    Mama had a baby and off popped her head.

    = Awesome! e. e. cummings as sharp-edged Mama. LOVE.

  8. April 24, 2010 11:16 pm

    yes. 🙂 channeling e.e. cummings, for sure. not sure i pulled it off. but thank you so much. 🙂

  9. April 25, 2010 7:21 pm

    man. I have no words. This is terrific.

  10. April 25, 2010 7:52 pm

    This is great, Carolee. You may be tired of your own voice but maybe you’re hitting your stride.

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