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because the world needs another crow poem

September 9, 2010
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The draft I worked on today is about a crow. Like yesterday, it’s based on some notes I made in my journal. The original scene occurred in July when I was waiting for my kids at the summer camp bus stop. I’m most unsure about how it looks on the page, and on revision, I would like to make the piece shorter, more concise.

POEM REMOVED FOR EDITING.

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12 Comments
  1. September 9, 2010 4:18 pm

    (o)

    • September 10, 2010 7:20 am

      hi! great to see you stopped by! missed your kind words while i wasn’t blogging. πŸ™‚

  2. September 9, 2010 9:14 pm

    just take take out :
    “I wonder if he’s there to drink or stare
    at himself in the water.

    I get my answer when”

    then it’s very Zen
    DWx

  3. September 9, 2010 9:16 pm

    P.S.

    “Crow lands
    near a puddle”

    “he looks
    over his shoulder”

    • September 10, 2010 7:19 am

      hi! good suggestions! this could be how it would end up:

      Crow lands near a puddle,
      keeps looking over his shoulder,
      sticks his beak in, throws back his head,
      lets gravity pull his reflection
      into his gut.

      and yes, i’m very zen. it’s what everyone says about me. “oh, look at that quiet, calm girl so at peace with the world. she’s so zen.” πŸ™‚

      • September 10, 2010 7:21 am

        probably could even do without “looks over his shoulder” …

        Crow lands near a puddle,
        sticks his beak in, throws back his head,
        lets gravity pull his reflection
        into his gut.

  4. September 10, 2010 12:50 pm

    Wow! I love the image of the crow drinking his reflection. Very unique! Your style here reminds me of one of my favorite poets, William Carlos Williams. The short lines and the focus on the image. Really nice, Carolee.

  5. September 10, 2010 12:53 pm

    Oh, another part that I like is how he is Crow, that Crow is his name. Rather than “the crow” or “a crow.”

  6. julietwilson permalink
    September 10, 2010 1:09 pm

    excellent image and yes as the previous commentator said, take out the middle lines and it would be very Zen indeed.

    Juliet
    Crafty Green Poet
    http://craftygrenpoet.blogspot.com

  7. julietwilson permalink
    September 10, 2010 1:10 pm

    sorry, I’ll try again: http://craftygreenpoet.blogspot.com.

  8. September 11, 2010 9:05 am

    Ah, the World could use another Crow poem. And I second the comments, Zen Girl. πŸ™‚ xoxox

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  1. taking myself out of the poem « carolee sherwood

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