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confession tuesday (or what makes you think you can just waltz back in here like nothing happened?)

January 11, 2011

I have been absent from Confession Tuesday for over a year. Maybe longer.

What’s Confession Tuesday? I think January and I were the original Confession Tuesday-ers (I almost wrote “original sinners,” but that’s something else, yes?), and I think it began as a way to churn up material for poems. A virtual confessional. A laundry list of the week’s missteps. I gave up the practice, and January was able to continue it (without fail, I think). I have been reading her and Kelli‘s (another faithful pilgrim) week after week and really enjoying their voices “in the booth” and also the glimpses into their lives.

And so I am going to try to jump back in for a bit. Here’s what happens (in case you want to do it, too). Write a confession post (I confess … I confess … I confess …) and then link to it in the comments of January’s weekly post.

* ** *

I confess I haven’t been writing about myself on my blog. As I was looking back over 2010, I realized that at some point (February or March?) I stopped writing about “Things I Think And Do.” Even though I included lots of process notes with my poem drafts, I didn’t tell you about my readings and open mics and projects and travels and family and friends. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but in retrospect, I can see why it happened. 2011 may be the year of reclaiming myself. Lucky you! You’re going to be along for the ride!

* ** *

I confess that in 2010, I whined a lot about not writing. I begrudged an uncooperative muse. Just last week, I said to Jill, “I go weeks and weeks without writing.” And she said, “No you don’t!”

Turns out she was right. In 2010, I posted something like 150 poems. I participated in two month-long “poem-a-day” extravaganzas and a handful of self-imposed writing challenges. I also put together a new manuscript of poems and started sending it out into the world.

Doesn’t sound like I have a stingy muse, does it? But I think I am the only one who doesn’t know that. Where is my disconnect? Why is my perception so off?

* ** *

I confess I have never been able to see myself clearly.

* ** *

I confess I haven’t exercised since last Tuesday.

* ** *

I confess I spent more time figuring out what I would wear to a recent job interview than I did preparing possible responses to likely questions.

* ** *

I confess it is nearly mid-January, and I haven’t set the writing/publishing goals I told myself I would set. And I confess that this is almost all I can think about: Spring.

  1. January 11, 2011 10:29 am

    Sounds like your 2010 was fine, after all, and your 2011 will be excitingly wonderful. Glad we will get to hear about it.

    • January 11, 2011 11:52 am

      thanks for reading, kathleen. we’ll see together about 2011. i am making no predictions!

  2. January 11, 2011 11:37 am

    Sadly, by the time you get to answer interview questions, many of the decisions of the interviewers will have been set, perhaps unconsciously. Those clothing choices might be far more important than thinking about the possible interview questions!

    • January 11, 2011 11:51 am

      it has been a terrific process so far, and i think in this case, it is a sign of me being more confident about my brain/skills than my appearance. πŸ™‚

  3. January 11, 2011 1:26 pm

    Now maybe you can see why those of us who write maybe 15 or 20 poems a year are so strangely unimpressed by the recurring tragedy of your broken poemer πŸ™‚

    • January 11, 2011 3:12 pm

      and by “see” you mean “completely deny,” right? but you are correct: i tell tragic tales about my poemer. and you stubborn people never believe them. πŸ™‚

  4. January 11, 2011 2:22 pm

    I can understand you thinking about spring. Nature doesn’t seem to have been kind this year – by which I mean the last 12 months, not 2011. Everyone seems to be sick of something – snow, floods (a very large chunk of Australia under water), earthquakes (you never really realise when it happens somewhere else that the aftershocks go on, and on, and on…)
    150 poems? That’s amazing! How about posting reminders to yourself around the room about how much you actually write, for next time you start whining about your broken poemer?

    • January 11, 2011 3:14 pm

      i think my complaints about the cold have nothing to do with nature’s lack of kindness and everything to do with my frailty. πŸ™‚

      but yes, it is humbling how wild the weather can be.

      regarding the poemer, i think i am just going to have to — gasp! — change the story i tell myself.

  5. January 11, 2011 7:14 pm

    Welcome back to the box. Nice mix of confessions.

    You must look into a funhouse mirror when it comes to the muse view and yourself. =)

  6. January 12, 2011 11:23 pm

    Lucky me! I love coming along for the ride.

    I have a hard enough time posting a poem a day. But 150 poems in 2010? I think I wrote that many poems over the last three years!



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