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this mom goes back to work: more (tuesday) confessions

March 15, 2011

I have been so tired since I went back to work. The only thing I want to do when I am home is sleep. It presents a problem, of course. It’s been just over two weeks, and I feel like I’m making a small gain on the exhaustion. I am hoping it’s been due to great expenditures of emotional energy and that it won’t be like this forever.

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As a result of having such blinders on (sleep, work, sleep, work), I failed to “find” a poem this week (we were supposed to attempt found poems) for the graduate class I’m taking. Oh, I tried! I tried! But each time I looked and thought I found something, I lost steam and got bleary-eyed. I could have workshopped the poem I wrote on Thursday morning but I was feeling stubborn. Instead, I went to class with nothing to share. Yes, this is *like* not having my homework done.

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I did read that poem I wrote on Thursday morning at an open mic in Troy on Sunday. I took the picture above looking down the street where the reading is. The monthly reading, which has become one of my favorites, was covered in two places — here and here — and one of them has my picture and the text of my poem. It was great to see such a crowd gathered to read and listen to poetry.

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I have four readings coming up in rapid succession. They weren’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be one each January, February, March and May. But due to two weather-related reschedulings, they are one right after the other, and I seem like an attention hog. Boo. I will have to work hard to vary what I read at each venue even though each should be substantially different audiences. Please, dear Energy so sought (as mentioned in the first paragraph), don’t fail me!

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My newest manuscript has received another rejection, and it’s ok. I feel right now like I am going to be doing some assessing as my writing pace is forced to moderate with my new schedule and the new demands on me. I’m also ok with that, strangely enough. Those of you who know me know that I white-knuckle my grip on my muse. But I’m “chillaxin'” about it right now, as the kids say. I am starting with two writing dates for myself each week. So far, I haven’t missed one even though they are early in the morning. As I mentioned I got a poem from one last Thursday, and I wrote a poem today, too.

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Who is this reasonable person writing this blog post, and what have you done with Carolee?

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And while we’re on the matter of body snatchers, something great is already happening just 2 1/2 weeks into this full-time work journey. I have started to look forward to going to pick the boys up when I’m done with work. I have begun to figure out that they have something to offer me that I can get nowhere else in the world. It’s fantastic. I have missed out on that all this time. I don’t know why exactly. Maybe I never really saw myself as separate from them? I’m not sure. But I’m not going to scare it away just yet with too much analysis. It feels good to need them. Period.

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Here‘s where you’ll find other confessions this week!

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3 Comments
  1. March 16, 2011 7:46 am

    Love reading your updates. Love the good surprises coming your way. xoxo

  2. Leslie Neustadt permalink
    March 16, 2011 12:05 pm

    You are amazing. Of course this transition is difficult. I think I was exhausted the entire time I worked when my children were young. That you are continuing to write, blog and share your work is quite incredible. There are many people who are frozen or too tired to write at all, let alone do homework that requires you to work in unusual ways. I have been challenged by the found poem assignment and was very sorry to miss the class and hear what others had done. I am cheering your on from the sidelines. Glad to hear that you are relishing being with your kids in ways you did not when you weren’t working outside your home at a full time job.

  3. March 16, 2011 8:54 pm

    thank you, ladies! i’m so glad you’re reading and staying in touch and egging me on. 🙂

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