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napowrimo #7, or the trainwreck poem

April 6, 2011

REMOVED FOR EDITING.

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So … yeah! There are lots of things I like about this, and some things I really hate. Once again, I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the poem once I got into it. And getting into it took this really meandering path. If I keep the story about the six-year-old in (the mother, the boy, the sand, the hammer, the mill, betrayal), I think I need come back and visit them somehow in the end. Likely, there are two or three or 18 poems in this trying to be one poem. But it’s late and I can’t figure it out and there’s a new poem to write tomorrow.

Also, today I had planned to work on homework: a villanelle for class. I read a bunch of them today on my lunch break, but I didn’t get up the oomph to attempt one yet. This poem was written with two prompts in mind: the Poetic Asides prompt for today (take the phrase “Don’t ______, ________;” replace the blanks with a word or phrase; use the new phrase as the title of your poem) and one of this week’s Big Tent Poetry prompts (Write about something that no longer exists).
 Links to both of the prompt sources are in the sidebar on the far right.

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7 Comments
  1. April 6, 2011 10:01 pm

    This might be your best April poem so far. But I see what you mean about many disparate elements.

    • April 7, 2011 6:08 pm

      thanks, dave! wow! and yes, disparate elements. sometimes i successfully incorporate disparate elements. i think this is an instance in which they need to be parsed out.

  2. April 6, 2011 10:07 pm

    I’d like these as separate. I think. Intrigued by the young kids, but really felt the last third more strongly.

    • April 7, 2011 6:09 pm

      i think you are right on!! thank you for taking time out of busy napo & work to comment, ms. scott. hee hee. 🙂

  3. April 7, 2011 5:49 pm

    Carolee, loved the comparison of “you running past me” with the breeze of a runaway train. This one grabbed me and didn’t let go!

    God, life is, for me, half runaway train, half snail (leaving a slimy trail in its wake).

    I, too, took up the P, Asides prompt and left my link only – not my full poem. Do you get folks clicking on your link or not? I didn’t… anyway, here is mine:
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/04/07/dont-forward-emails/

    Peace, and glad to read you again, Amy BL

    • April 7, 2011 6:13 pm

      hi, amy!! no, not a lot of clicks on my link. but i don’t like to leave the poem there. i take my poems down after a while and re-work them and submit them (some of them) to journals and if they are in someone else’s comments section, i have no control over them.

      last april, the first couple of days, i got a bunch of clicks from posting in poetic asides, but not since then. i attribute it to the fact that i don’t hang out there in the space much and cultivate community, so why would people read my poems there? i am ok with it. i can’t give anything there right now so i don’t expect anything.

      i am focusing my limited time for cultivating community on BTP and my FB network. can’t be everywhere. those folks where i do have community usually find me. does that make sense?

  4. April 9, 2011 2:48 pm

    I adore the trees in this piece, and really like it overall. Everything here does seem connected even if you think it disparate.

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