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taking a beating

August 8, 2011

In which my husband and I separate and I move downtown.

The easy story for people to latch onto casts me as The Bad Guy. Or The Crazy One. Or Little Miss Selfish. Of course, the temptation is to defend against it by stating my case in detail to whomever will listen. But that’s the fool’s way.

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It’s all a matter of perspective. There’s no use convincing people things are any different than how they see it from the place they stand. Suffice to say, this move has been one of the most wrenching things I’ve ever experienced. It is extremely difficult all on its own even without being judged by everyone.

No one knows how this turns out. We haven’t been there yet. Making sure it turns out better than it might have absent the change? That’s the task I’ll assume. Not defending myself. My energies belong with the boys and the other gifts I can give the world.


Limited internet access at the moment. None at the new place for 10 more days or so. Borrowing where I can.

  1. August 8, 2011 10:36 pm

    Having been there and done that, I empathize.

  2. August 9, 2011 2:12 am

    Am I allowed a little blind faith in you? (OK, I’ll peek a bit from just one eye.)

    But really, tough, I understand. Thanks for not hiding this away Carolee. That counts, for all of us. You just be you. ~neil

  3. August 9, 2011 4:22 am

    Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Reach out to friends and family when you can. Write. Don’t forget to eat and sleep.


  4. August 9, 2011 8:05 am

    You are a wise woman. The short stories never fit — they are like the news the reporters get wrong, every single time.

    I like Jan’s advice.


  5. August 9, 2011 8:28 am

    “You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.” – Dear Sugar, on (

    I read this at exactly the right moment in my life and it is something that has stuck with me ever since. Perhaps it will help you a little, too.

  6. August 9, 2011 12:00 pm

    Hugs, you. I’m 100% sure you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons in the right way.

  7. Tess permalink
    August 9, 2011 2:51 pm

    You will thrive, Carolee!

  8. August 9, 2011 3:43 pm

    Carolee, I am sorry to hear this even though I don’t know you personally. It is usually hardest on the children, I know from my own experience. First and foremost is to take care of you, and all else will fall into place. Good luck to you.


  9. August 13, 2011 6:37 am

    Not judging, not judging..because we’re not you and only you get to decide. Carolee, hang in there, when it’s all such a mess. It takes lots of courage and belief and and… *why oh why*

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