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a butternut squash is a thing of beauty

September 29, 2011

This delicious dinner — a concoction using butternut squash, inspired by a recipe for yam and black bean tacos — isn’t recent. It was a couple weeks ago. (My photos had been stuck on my camera and iPhone for quite a while because I screwed up the software on my computer by installing the wrong updates.) It’s one of the first things I’ve ever cooked that I thought could become a regular for me.

One of my sons helped me make it, but none of them really ate it. They thought it was weird. It was weird. But it was also perfect. I really want to rely mostly on beans and vegetables, and I have found very few meals that feel exciting and satisfying. This one, however, is one I could eat again and again. And will. This kind of accomplishment is rare for me. I’ve never been a kitchen person. I’d like to think that can change.


Can you believe all of September and this is only my second blog post this month? What’s become of me? Blog posts and poems are few and far between. Artwork is unheard of.


I am not feeling any more settled than I did at the end of last month. We are two months into this split household, and it feels as clunky as ever. My logical mind tells me it shouldn’t feel comfortable yet, that it’s a good sign that some of the old pressures are off. But the rest of me is extremely impatient. She just wants the good in the new situation to be more willing to reveal itself. She wants something to feel familiar right now. She wants to be able to trust herself again. She wants her boys to trust her again.


Dear Jill, This blog post is my writing for today.


Dear friends who continue to talk me through all this strangeness. Thank you. I love you.


Speaking of strangeness: Please tell me who this sappy girl is.

  1. September 29, 2011 9:42 pm

    looks yummy Carolee. Congrats on all of your progress. Best wishes on your journey. steph

  2. September 30, 2011 6:38 am

    Beautiful indeed! Best wishes from a virtual stranger…

  3. September 30, 2011 9:39 am

    Hang in there, my friend. At least your team is going to the playoffs. *sigh*

    I’m only a phone call away.

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